I apologize, It's been three months since I've posted last. The reason is highly predictable for a high school senior; I've been spending every moment working on either school work or college applications. It's been a uniquely stressful year so far, mostly because of the out-of-control nature of college applications. I've never liked things out of my control—like my dad's disease. I react to these challenges with confrontation. In my dad's case, I became more focused on developing our relationship, I reached out to others in a similar situation, and I created this blog to let out my emotions. It's the same with this helpless college situation in which I can work so hard, but truly cannot predict or know the outcome of my work; I have spent so much time trying to perfect supplements, keep my grades up, etc. Unfortunately, all of this work has taken a toll on my relationship with my dad. I find it hard to balance our relationship with the stress of school work/college applications. So there's not been much to talk about here, since I haven't spent much time with him at all in the past three months.
Then I thought about this exact situation, and immediately knew what I wanted to discuss here. It's exactly that fear—the worry that my relationship will deteriorate as my work increase. And as I finally hit the submit button on Common App, I feel nervous, what will happen next year? All my life I've lived only a few miles from my father, and still, there has existed a challenge in spending ample time with him, due to school work, dance, and all the other things I put time into. I worry that next year, in college, we won't be able to maintain any sort of relationship. After all, he cannot text nor email, and sometimes even phone calls get stressful when he is having trouble conversing.
Wherever I end up, I know two things. First of all, I cannot let my fears and anxieties about my dad get in the way of my enjoying being away from home. It's really important for me to be able to know things are okay regardless, and be able to live in the moment where I am. Secondly, I will just have to make a conscious effort to spend time with him when I come home, call him as much as possible, continue blogging to relieve any frustrations.
I once again would like to apologize for the absence here. It has only given me time to focus a little bit less on my emotions and a little bit more on my work, which isn't great, but is necessary during such a stressful time.
If you are celebrating Christmas, Merry Christmas. If not, like me, I hope you're enjoying a day off.
xoxo
