I’m studying neuroscience in
college. Of course, this was a direct impact of growing up with a father with a
neurological defect. I never imagined going into this field, but once I learned
of Benson’s Syndrome, I wanted more than anything to figure the brain out, it’s
mystical wonders and its disastrous issues. But now sitting here, in my biological
psychology classroom, I feel uncomfortable. It’s hard to sit here and hear
about all of these neurological issues as textbook content, describing their
detrimental effects in scientific terms, when you know the reality of it so
well. It’s hard to watch scientific studies of patients who cannot recognize
faces, explaining it in terms like prosopagnosia, when to you, it’s not a
distant thing, but something you are so attuned to. It’s hard to hear people go
“that’s so weird, it’s like you’re trapped” in regards to someone who can think
of a word, but cannot express it, when you know truly how hard it is to watch.
We talk about Broca’s, Wernicke’s, and how the aphasia of each area causes
specific effects, but for my dad, it’s all at once. It’s not just speech
output, or comprehension input, or facial recognition, it’s everything. It’s
not discrete. It’s interesting to hear my own teacher say “I don’t know” to
complex questions regarding “can they still sing?” because I do know. I know my
dad can sing, he can remember words in songs, he loves music. I’m having
trouble containing my emotions, when I am supposed to be learning information.
I feel myself shaky, teary-eyed, and sweaty-palmed. I just hope that this isn’t
a recurring event, I need to be able to learn without this discomfort. The
brain is my passion, it’s what I want to pursue. I’ve made up my mind (no pun
intended), that I will learn and study and discover and help others. I just
need to get through this initial feeling.
